ring ceremony.

eunice speaking to me.

everyone that graduates from the isf program receives a ring. this year there were 18 graduates...the largest graduating class for this program. during this ceremony, every graduate is given space in which others offer words back to them....then one of the profs pray for the person. it was an incredibly special time. it lasted nearly 8 hours.... it was a unique time of reflecting on how God has moved through the process of the program. the words given to me were incredibly encouraging and empowering to me. my heart was moved to worship God because of the great work he had done in my heart.

yosemite.

we stood at the top of this fall....  we hiked all the way around to get to the top b/c the trail right alongside it was closed because of ice on the trial.  however...we didn't want to go back the long way around so we trekked down the slippery rocks.  we're proud to say we talked others into doing it too.  so we would live together or die alone...or something.  (my attempt to insert a lost quote).

yes....that's snow.

it was cold.  especially for wussy californians.

my friend kate.
i also went to yosemite over my spring break.

it was stellar.  went with my good friend, kate.

she's great.  a really true and good friend.

the pics don't do justice to the beauty we took in.

we laughed much.

it was pretty great to get away for a bit.  we really enjoyed the time.

i haven't gone on a vacation like that in a long time.  going somewhere w/o a specific purpose.  i went because i wanted to.  i spent money on myself... and couldn't justify it as for the sake of another.  it was for me.  and...i felt ok with that.  

maybe i have learned something about caring for the soul in my program.  

did i mention i graduate in a week?  yup.  it's true.

**i would post more pics.  but...i am tired.  i have a busy day tomorrow once again.  more later!

flowers.

dan buys me gifts.

it's nice.

i don't like to receive.  but, i am learning.

i've said from the beginning that flowers seem silly.

they look nice for a bit...and then they die.

i'm hardly home to see them anyway.

however.

i changed my mind.

flowers are nice.

especially when he surprises me with a fruffy starbucks drink (which i never buy for myself) and a bouquet of flowers. 

he's a really great guy....really good to me.

transitions are upon me.  and...those always throw me for a spin.

but, he's holding on so far.

easter_09

pics from easter. 

just a bunch of us eating brunch in the mid-afternoon.

hitting each other w/ soft nerf sticks.

and dying and hiding easter eggs.

"to live in truth, we must be true to who we are.  But this is not possible unless we know who we are:  how God has made us, how we are unique, how God has enabled us to serve him in the church and in the world."

"many of us hesitate to hear this call to self-knowledge; something blocks us.  We have been taught all our lives to ignore ourselves-to focus on others and to live for others and to give generously.  But we cannot serve with grace and we cannot make a difference for God in the lives of others if we violate who we are."

these are quotes taken from a book a read in one of my classes on Vocation and Calling.  The book is titled, " courage and calling," written by Gordon T. Smith.  He develops his argument out of Romans 12:3-5....emphasizing that while Paul calls the reader to love and serve others, he begins by urging his readers to examine their own life.  "He calls for self-appraisal before he calls for genuine love; self-appraisal makes geniune love for others possible."

i think that these thoughts slightly summarize my time here at isf.  it's been a time of great, deep, and painful self-awareness.  the requirements within this degree of therapy, the soul and prayer projects, the three week retreat, the four 48 hour solitude retreats, the self-reflection papers, the supervision times have all been places to grow in understanding myself better.  i realize how much of my person i left at the door of relationship with people.  i operated under the idea that the Christian thing to do was to bend over backwards to please others and discover what they wanted.  this left my person being missed....and any desire of mine to be seen heaped guilt upon my lap for being selfish.  

but, what if in the process of knowing ourselves we are actually able to understand God in a deeper way?  these are my incomplete thoughts on the matter.  i graduate in two weeks.  yes....two freakin' weeks!