"to live in truth, we must be true to who we are.  But this is not possible unless we know who we are:  how God has made us, how we are unique, how God has enabled us to serve him in the church and in the world."

"many of us hesitate to hear this call to self-knowledge; something blocks us.  We have been taught all our lives to ignore ourselves-to focus on others and to live for others and to give generously.  But we cannot serve with grace and we cannot make a difference for God in the lives of others if we violate who we are."

these are quotes taken from a book a read in one of my classes on Vocation and Calling.  The book is titled, " courage and calling," written by Gordon T. Smith.  He develops his argument out of Romans 12:3-5....emphasizing that while Paul calls the reader to love and serve others, he begins by urging his readers to examine their own life.  "He calls for self-appraisal before he calls for genuine love; self-appraisal makes geniune love for others possible."

i think that these thoughts slightly summarize my time here at isf.  it's been a time of great, deep, and painful self-awareness.  the requirements within this degree of therapy, the soul and prayer projects, the three week retreat, the four 48 hour solitude retreats, the self-reflection papers, the supervision times have all been places to grow in understanding myself better.  i realize how much of my person i left at the door of relationship with people.  i operated under the idea that the Christian thing to do was to bend over backwards to please others and discover what they wanted.  this left my person being missed....and any desire of mine to be seen heaped guilt upon my lap for being selfish.  

but, what if in the process of knowing ourselves we are actually able to understand God in a deeper way?  these are my incomplete thoughts on the matter.  i graduate in two weeks.  yes....two freakin' weeks!