stillness.

i sometimes forget how busy my world has become around me.

i recall certain retreats during my high school and jr. high church days when i would wander away from the crowd of rowdy teens to find a quiet place to sit and be alone. my mind would race with thoughts and questions the speaker had directly or indirectly asked. i would sit alone...and let that feeling of loneliness surround me. perhaps, it wasn't loneliness that surrounded me...but a deep longing. a longing for something. within that longing was the knowledge that i wasn't fulfilled. that something was missing. i used to think it was because i was young and had all these unmet desires (being able to drive, having a boyfriend, being able to sleep when i wanted, having more then one soda a week, etc). as i look back i can now recognize that longing wasn't for those specific unmet desires. but...it was a whisper and a prodding of the Holy Spirit within my life, revealing my need for God. i recall sitting in an outdoor chapel late in the evening. i was suppose to be playing night games with the rest of the students. but, having fun seemed so unimportant at that moment. i laid down on the benches surrounding the fire pit and stared up at the trees illuminated by the moonlight. the sounds of the night enveloped my soul. the sound of the breeze blowing through the leaves. the crickets chirping. the once quiet forest becomes so loud you can hardly stand it.

i ahd a flashback of this tonight as i stood outside staring at the moon as it disappeared behind the earth's shadow. i was in a residential area away from loud streets, etc. the wind rattled the tree branches. i felt that same longing. that same loneliness. that same desire for something more.

it felt good. it felt right. i was reminded how much i miss nature. i miss feeling small. i miss the woods at night. i miss traipsing through the woods to the huge rock overlooking the lake and staring up at the stars until late into the evening. i miss the crackling of fire.

how sweet those times of retreat were for my soul and relationship with God. i can recall wondering if i would loose myself if i were to give into those feelings of longing. i questioned if God existed. i am thankful for his faithfulness in pursuing me. it's incredible to look back in life and see the distinct ways he pursued me throughout the years. how quickly we forget the love the Father has upon us. how sweet it is that he uses simple reminders, such as the wind blowing through trees, to remind us of his continued love for us.

so... i might be lame, but this song captured my heart. it's simple. it's definitely steven curtis chapman sytle...but that certainly adds to the innocence and appeal of the song. it reminds me of my childhood. it reminds me of the excitement of growing up. *sometimes i wonder if i'll ever grow up).

what resounds with strongest vibrations within my soul, is the concern and love the father has for his daughter. he watches the child twirl about innocently, and now he faces letting his little princess go to begin a new life. how beautiful. how exciting. how sad.

good stuff.

check out this video. you must watch the whole thing. tell me your response.

serious studying.

group study is the best. here are the good mdiv students studying hebrew. eunice keeps the guys in line. they need it. Faith is helping Ernice hold her head up. Johnny and John remain at peace about the situation.
Johnny is pictured here. I think he is attempting to look studious. Such great smiles the two of them have! I feel quite cultured after Johnny showed Ernice and I around his area. I am quite excited for new friends in life. Especially friends that show me cool places, and give me pens with tiny points, and candles which make the house smell nice. I feel quite blessed and loved right now. Prayers have really been answered the past few weeks. I've been emerging from a pretty flatlined state of blahness. i am not sure what caused the feeling of 'blahness,' but i do know that new friends whom have a contagious passion for God's work has been a blessing to me in this stage of life. after the mad studying time which occurs in the kitchen, we are able to gather and enjoy an impromptu time of worship together. johnny and john are gifted musically. a few nights ago johnny blessed us by playing some of his own songs. we're pressing him to get them recorded soon. he's a gifted pounder of the keys....if you know what i means.

tonight....i find myself enjoying a peacefulness in my soul. i had a sweet chat w/ a professor of mine today. she gave me a packet of skittles when i came in to visit her in honor of valentines day. then we sat down and i just spilled a lot of what's been going on in my heart. she listened. she paused and looked intently at me....and then opened her mouth and spoke some truth to me. and not the harsh, corrective type truth. but, the gentle and tender truth. the kind of truth that rips open the heart....and massages it a bit in affirmation that it's ok and good. i thought she would go one way...but she went the complete opposite and guided me to some deeper truths at the heart of the matter. how amazing to be surrounded by faculty that care so much about my soul and the work God is completing in me. i left quite encouraged.

i also started a new job this week. i think it will be good for me to have a steady and consistant job. i enjoy subbing in fullerton...but, it was sometimes difficult to change schools and classrooms every single day. it's difficult to get to know students....and i always felt like i had no idea what i was doing. i am tired of not knowing what i am doing. i can speak english....so this new job on campus is good for me. so...that's what's up w/ me.

long times ago...

living across the hall from kyungsook has been one of the best things that has happened since moving out to california. ok, that was a complete exagerastion...but, my living situation is pretty sweet. the title of this blog is dedicated to her. she has her little sayings in english, which aren't grammatically correct, but are so cute that no one else in the house wants to correct her. we just smile in our inner hearts alot when she says them. 'long times ago...' is one of them. but, it seemed a fitting introduction at this point as it was a 'longs time ago' that i updated this blog. i've been toying around with opening up a new blog somewhere in the vastness of cyberspace.




so...xmas has happened since the last time i wrote. i had a wonderful celebration with my roommates the night before i flew back to iowa. we really have become a small family. we ocassionaly eat together. we know each others likes and dislikes. we know each others weaknesses. we are passive agressive. but, we really just love each other. everyone was so generous during christmas. one of my roommates expressed how she had never experienced a christmas such as this. where we just sat around and laughed and exchanged gifts. there was much love that night. and, this isn't what christams is all about, we know. but, it was a time where we all felt deeply loved and cared for. it was pretty fantastic. here are a few pics.

Kyungsook is excited to open the gifts!


Eunice excited about her mickey ears. she still grins like that when she puts them on.

We're killing mickey.