another.

i acquired another job.
and i got into another grad school program.

for those of you unawares...i applied to a program out here in southern california to pursue my masters in marriage and family therapy. i recently interviewed and found out today that i was accepted to begin this spring! it's quite exciting...and i'm happy to head back to school and delay paying school loans a bit longer. i'm studyding at a christian university...mostly to help me continue to assimilate what i've learned at my past program into this new one. despite it being a christian university...i'm pretty sure you get a good clinical experience and education. don't you sometimes feel like christian institutions require a bit less out of you? i guess i do. they're too nice... and lenient in the name of being like Jesus. these are just my pathetic thoughts. however, i feel like this is a good program and has a fairly good reputation. i'm a bit sad not to be pursuing my phd in this field.... as this was what i was headed for for awhile. however, as my life began to take a bit more shape in regards to future family stuff...i realized that i'd rather be done with school in 2 more years rather than 7 more. an MFT is a good option for me right now.

did i post about my new job? well...i officially started a new job doing in home therapy for kids w/ autism. it's fun...and challenging. you work on target behaviors and collect data and help parents learn some good teaching methods for their kiddos. this work fits my personality well...as i like the one on one. i am actually enjoying working with kids. it's fun to see slight growth in their ability to follow simple directions, etc. the best part of the job is that it's challenging. i have to engage my brain and also work with my hands. it's a great balance...and a lot of fun. it'sdefinitely not the same thing every day. i currently still have my other job in the school district...attempting to figure out how grad school, and two jobs will all work together. but..i do know that i have dec. 21-jan 4th completely OFF! no school...no work. niiiiiiiiiiice. and dan is coming back to iowa for xmas. should be pretty great.


this semester (and really since i've graduated) has been a bit rough. it's hard not having a job...and it's really hard starting new jobs. it's hard to not know what you're doing...and have to ask the same question multiple times. but...it's good character building too. i feel like i'm finally growing up. and it feels pretty great to have a paycheck coming in steadily. sigh.

so much. so much. but that's all for now.

music suggestions.

i highly recommend this site to listen to music....also check out the "where the wild things are soundtrack."

http://www.imeem.com/karenoandthekids/playlist/MW0cdjqf/where-the-wild-things-are-soundtrack-music-playlist/

i think you'll like it. has anyone else seen the movie? i found it quite profound and deep. it touched deep places in my soul.... from the music intertwining with the beautiful imagery. it's not really for kids...but, more for adults realizing that those wild things have been with them since their childhood. perhaps it's just age that has schooled them in how to tame them a bit.

away.

much has occured since my last little blog. my family came to visit.... i continued working and getting familiar with my job at the school district... i visited a potential grad school to start up in the spring... and i got a new job... and began looking for a new place to live. i don't like change...but i seem to gravitate towards it. i just rearranged my room for the fourth time since august. seriously. i discovered the way i like it. i now have a little space blocked off in the corner with a blanket upon the floor. it's this area i can sit and be hidden away. i'm craving space so much right now. hence...my looking for a new place to live.

i also went on a retreat last weekend. thursday to saturday up at a monestary overlooking the ocean. it's pretty sweet staying at these places with monks walking around being all holy and stuff. they ring bells to mark the daily offices and you can go and partcipate in the liturgy if you'd like. i really needed to get some time away from things. my living arrangement had become a place that sucked me dry and whenever i walked into my house my throat clenched and heart tightened. i needed to get away so my soul could breathe and i could have some space to think and reflect and just be. i ended up spending quite a bit of time with the question and thought of marriage. am i called to marriage? what do i think of marriage? honestly...i have quite a negative view of marriage. in many ways...i feel like women loose their identity when they get married. they loose their intentionality in life and they loose their focus and purpose. they become these little droids that do housework and look pretty and buy nice things and clean and take care of the kids snotty noses and the laundry. that's not me. i'm not into those things... and i don't want that to be my life. i odn't just want to walk into marriage b/c it's the next step. why does one walk into marriage? what does that mean? what does that look like? that's what i sat with on retreat. it was good for me to have space to reflect and ask myself if this is what i really want...and if this is what God has for me. is he calling me into it? what does that look like? my spiritual director mentioned that sometimes this "peace" that people talk about is simply a feeling that people get to make themselves feel better about a decision they themselves desire. he asked me if i thought jesus had a peace in the garden when he was crying those bloody tears. maybe sometimes we are just given the information and he calls us to decide what we want given our God given intellect. my director also asked me if i had ever had these feelings of peace in other decisons. i haven't. so... he asks me. why do i expect anything different in regards to the decision about marriage? i need to take into account my different personality...and maybe i won't be twirling in fields of flowers in a sunskirt with a heart full of happieness... but i'll enter into this a bit more slowly.

ahhhh! i have to go. i'll write more later.