underlying.

my class! the faithful three students who remained until the end! we didn't scared ALL of them off. only most. **jen...the guy w/ stripes in the front**

it's odd being thrown into a room with nearly 30 other people you do not know. certain events transpired in each life to bring them into the same room for that specific amount of time. decisions had to be made that led to their committment to a three week intensive program. and each student brought with them different layers of beautiful brokeness. it's easy to look at others and think they have it all together. or...be jealous b/c they seem to have everything going for them. don't you feel like that occasionally when you walk into a new group of people and everyone looks so exteremely happy? and you feel quite awful inside and yet you slap on a smile just so you don't look like the downer of the group. but...within each person an inner struggle is going on and has gone on. a struggle to choose truth. to choose to believe reality...instead of the lies that are being thrown at you constantly.

in this class i have realized what beautiful people i am surrounded by. and...what a beautiful work God is doing (and has done) in each of their lives. hardships have been faced that i can only imagine! sometimes i have felt, 'woe is me...' but...when i look at these lives and hear about decisions and hardships they have faced i am broken. i am overwhelmed at what God has done in their life. Instead of being bitter, broken individuals...they encompass a strong faith.

one of the ladies whom i assumed was merely an upper class, stay at home mom, with no cares or worries of the world had faced the death of her young daughter, had a son a few hours away on a list for a lung transplant, and whose second husband had just died a few years ago. and yet...she's got a genuine smile on her face.

it's not that the people were fake when they had smiles on their faces before. they were real. they are just more beautiful now that i see what they have been threw...and yet have not become bitter or hard-hearted. they have opened their hearts up to God and have been touched and healed by him. brought closer to him b/c of their hurt.

i pray that is my response to hurt in my life. to brokeness. i have felt that cold quickening in my soul at times. a desire to shut off certain parts of my heart which have been so deeply (and i think fatally) wounded. but...alas...God is the healer. he has not given me more than i can handle. so...i am amazed this evening at the healing power of our God. and thankful for the beautiful people i have met in this program. what if we could see underneath the surface of every smile...and see what was really going on? that father who is mourning the loss of his youngest son, the mom who is dealing with the guilt of her daughters death, the wife awaiting her husbands return from deployment overseas,.....and the list goes on. let's not wait to find out about the hardships someone is going through to have compassion on them...may we love them even when we have no idea what is going on.

so...that's an update for ya. boring, eh? did you read it? no lying. you know what the bible says about lying?

some of the girls in the class....

my teaching partner! we had fun, eh?

a student and a co-teacher. awww.... she spoke russian and worked in the far east of russia...speaks multiple languages. she fled from vietnam at a young age and still cannot go back. kind of an amazing woman. a beautiful woman of God.



nuff said....the squat.
one must try it to understand it.

broken....beautiful.

my brain is tired. i have spent the last two weeks in class learning how to teach english. it's a fantastic class which i highly recommend to anyone who is seeking to go overseas (pretty much in any capacity). if you go overseas and are unsure of what you will do EXACTLY the chances are quite high that you may be asked to teach english. at least once. probably more often. it's a good tool...and one which this class helps one sharpen.

the past few weeks have actually been challenging. at the end of last week i felt like i had just experienced a short term mission trip. why? b/c...i am being pushed out of my comfort zone....surrounded by others i do not know....and living w/ other 24:7. i also have a foriegn dude expressing interest in me. :) (that's for those of you who have been overseas w/ me). thus...my brain is tired.

i left the class tonight exhausted and just desiring some time alone.

things have been impressed upon my heart lately...and i have been unable to articulate them. it's difficult to find time of silence and peace when so much is going on around me. a youth conference is going on the campus....so i walked into the gym to catch the tail end of it. the speaker dude was in the midst of urging others to find the people they needed to talk to and let God work. then the band started playing and the music went down. i was standing in the back and suddenly a dude ran past me and started hugging this youth leader dude and crying. so one older high school guy and an older dude stayed in this swaying embrace complete with tears for nearly the entire song. it was amazing. in a world where men are afraid to show emotions...(and especially young men)...it was amazing to see such emotion. i pray that God would continue to keep this man's heart soft and moldable.

i needed to see that tonight. to be reminded of the power of God to change lives. may my spirit be awoken.

delirious?

i hadn't really heard of this group before. no...lie. i heard of this group....b/c they played in ukraine at this huge conference and so in 2005 when i was in Ukraine all my friends were asking me if i knew this group. so...i've heard of them. but...i haven't heard them. however, a few nights ago i was blessed to be able to attend a FREE concert w/ them playing. It was amazing... 10 bucks to park, but FREE concert w/ VIP seating! ok...so...the VIP wasn't as sweet as i first thought. but... i have this problem w/ paying money to hear some worship band...but, i really enjoyed this concert. 1....b/c it was FREE and 2.) b/c they did such an awesome job. i actually like their music. i think most christian music is sketchy...but, i have been desiring something sweet to the ear in which i could tune into and not wonder about where it would make my mind wander. i like their lyrics flowing through my mind. so... if you'd like...enjoy these videos below. the last one is my fav...i think.

song...

i don't watch the harry pottter movies. i've seen a few...but i don't think i get the craze. however, i like this song and so i found it on youtube. i am not sure how well this video actually goes w/ the song. so...don't get thrown off by the weirdness of the harry potter characters.

i found an old cd i listened to a lot last year before i moved out to california. this song was on that cd. i really like this song...and thought i'd share it w/ you guys that view my blog. music is such a great way to express oneself.

i am going to go hang out w/ my niece and sister. b/c i can.