ministry.

i just reread what i had posted on last blogs. i don't remember writing some of that stuff. maybe i had a bit too much to drink one night. nah.... i think it was just super duper late and i was amazingly tired. i refused to go to sleep though...b/c i didn't want to get up and go to my last day of work.

last night was an another amazing night. after going to family group w/ my friend...i want to a sports bar w/ my co-workers. i loved it. i love them. seriously. i can't even explain it. they are just amazing. i think i might cry just thinking about it. they have become like family to me. i remain confident that i should move on. i know the new girl will do an excellent job. seriously. she's great at what she does. far better than i was. (granted...no one EVER trained me...i just felt my way around). but those are mere excuses. i honestly wasn't as gifted in those areas as she is. but, i'm ok w/ that. i like that i'm super laid back...and i enjoy who God made me to be.

i came home from work...and if i had more time..i would have cried. alot. but, i kept busy. and i didn't allow myself to sink into that desparate pit of despair. i'm in too good of mood for that! i feel like God has given me great joy in him.
i don't want to be in a melencholy mood. that sucks! seriously. i don't want to be too sensitive. i have realized by working closely w/ people that i am very much in control of how much i let things hurt me.

where do i find my confidence? in what others say of me? or in what God says of me? and what Christ has done for me? if i do my best..work to honor and obey God...and live my life for him...no one can ever say anything bad about me. if they do...they themselves are condemned. i need not be hurt by it. the problems of the world can lay heavy on my heart...but, i can quickly trust in God's sovereignity...and sit back and see his glory. i need not be overwhelmed and sad. so...joy should be mine.

complete my joy.

-------------

i don't want to go back to IC. i like my church family in ames. but, yet....i still feel unloved and lonely. why? when surrounded by so many that DO care for me? i want family... someone that cares for me for who i am...and sees and seeks for the good in me.

------------------

my heart is doing crazy things... keep it calm. may i trust in you. restore the joy of my salvation. may i keep in mind the important things in life.
thanks for listening. thanks for loving.

---------------------------