hmmm..

i've been hurt lately by friends. and... i think that it would be so easy for me to justify my hurt. that they havne't called...or responded to email. but, you know what? i want to stand up and and say "NO"! i am not going to be hurt by others! maybe there is something going on in their lives that prevents them from responding. maybe it's not something i did to offend them. maybe it's not me. maybe i should just pray for them and continue to love them even though i feel so desparately hurt by them. why do i feel hurt by them? it's not like we had a fantastic relationship before...but, i am still hurt they don't seem to want to even pursue me as a friend. yet...how i see them pursue other people as friends. am i not worth it? no, i am not. but, i want to be pursued and be desired. just as a friend. as someone that is wanted. but, emails that are left unresponded to leave me feeling unloved and cared for.

why do i get hung up on these unreturned communications...when, i have many other people in my life now that do show me love sacrifically? hmmm...i'm not sure. i just always want more.

i am not going to be hurt by these people....i am not. i want to love them...and care for them even though they may not seem to want/need that now. i don't need to allow myself to be hurt by them. it's not worth it! oh...keep my heart soft. may i love others deeply even when i get nothing in response. show me how to love others jesus...may i just continue to abide in you...and live my life wholly and completley for you.