honesty.

can i be honest w/ you?

maybe i'm going to sound psychotic... and b/c i know a few people actually read my blog now...it scares me to write this down. but i can't get it out of my head. i need to say it.

i feel like my life isn't complete. i desparately long to share my life w/ someoone. today...i started work. and...i kept wanting to call up my ex-friend and talk w/ him about it. to tell him what this kid was like...and how it made me feel and the thoughts it provoked w/n me. i think he'd actually be interested in hearing this. yet...i can't. b/c it's this silly thing that i can't talk w/ him anymore...b/c...dang it...what if he begins to like me again? now...that would ruin everything. or..maybe i'm just living in a dream world. maybe he woudln't really care and i have an unheathly emotional tie to this particular guy. could possibly be true. but, i also just want to share...and talk....and to listen...and to love. that door and desire w/n me was opened...and now i long for it. i long for those type of relationships...or that particular one.

can't i have a second chance? we messed up before...but, God...please?

i'm pathetic.

more about my job later. it's really interesting....