smells

smells trigger memories.

i am at my aunt and uncles.
i am sleeping downstairs.
it reminds me of christmas.
the smell.
the food.
the people.
i usually come here for thanksgiving. and...thanksgiving reminds me of christmas. so...right now i feel like christmas is close. and...i like christmas. it reminds me of family. but family reminds of me closeness. relationships. and love. i feel like i'm missing love in my life. and that makes me sad. i want to stop being sad. to stop desiring what is NOT mine right now. to stop pouting. i always tell a friend of mine to stop pouting...but, dang it, that's what i find myself doing. i don't want that anymore. i am finished! i am to enjoy this time in my life and what God has for me! thank you for this time. thank you for what you have blessed me w/ in the past...even though it no longer is there. thank you for what you have done in my life since that time. you are an awesome God...who cares about my heart. may i really believe that! give me joy tomorrow....as i seek to follow you and love others around me!