emotions. suck.
yes. emotions....suck.
reality vs. dreams. i like living in a dream world. things don't hurt as much in a dream world. decisions seem less important--cuz you can sorta wake up and then go back in the dream and make a different choice. nothing is really final. it's like those...'choose your own adventure' books all the kids were hooked on in elementary school. you know...the ones where you picked A or B and then read that chapter...and then you got to choose something different...and basically you wrote your own little story. but..the thing was that you could always go back and make a change. nothing was final. AND it wasn't your life! it was a completely fictional character.
but...this is my life. and...choices are 'final' in a sense. dang it.
i like saying 'dang it' now. i think it may come from debra. i like it. i smile in my heart when i say it. is that swearing? i think...no. i just enjoy saying it.
sacrifice. an odd word. it...gives the feeling that we are actually 'giving' something up. as if it's painful. like...the sacrifice of the person who gives everything to go and live overseas. HA. it may seem like sacrifice to those who live for material possessions...but, for those who live for God and kingdom purposes can see joy and peace in the life of those who are living obedient lives for God. This is what i long for. an obedient life. one where i know i am living in what God has for me. i think...that's why i can't stay in ames...and must move on and take a step towards something different. something i've been longing for for many years. a step forward. a step in obedience.
i desparately want to California....NOW. but, i think it's wiser for me to hold back and save a bit of money. isn't it? gosh. i can't second guess myself now. it's decided. i'm off to live w/ my parents. at one point i thought i was going to be the kid that was bold, courageous, exciting--to move far away from anyone and everyone. now...i'm being a bum and moving home to live w/ my parents. hmpf. i think...there are lies in there i could choose to believe or not. and...i'm not going to! this is a wise choice (for me to move home).
this is boring. i'm leaving. one day i'll have more time to develop some of these thoughts in my head. until then..... relationships are about committment...and emotions without self control....suck.
peace.joy.love.....all in Christ.
reality vs. dreams. i like living in a dream world. things don't hurt as much in a dream world. decisions seem less important--cuz you can sorta wake up and then go back in the dream and make a different choice. nothing is really final. it's like those...'choose your own adventure' books all the kids were hooked on in elementary school. you know...the ones where you picked A or B and then read that chapter...and then you got to choose something different...and basically you wrote your own little story. but..the thing was that you could always go back and make a change. nothing was final. AND it wasn't your life! it was a completely fictional character.
but...this is my life. and...choices are 'final' in a sense. dang it.
i like saying 'dang it' now. i think it may come from debra. i like it. i smile in my heart when i say it. is that swearing? i think...no. i just enjoy saying it.
sacrifice. an odd word. it...gives the feeling that we are actually 'giving' something up. as if it's painful. like...the sacrifice of the person who gives everything to go and live overseas. HA. it may seem like sacrifice to those who live for material possessions...but, for those who live for God and kingdom purposes can see joy and peace in the life of those who are living obedient lives for God. This is what i long for. an obedient life. one where i know i am living in what God has for me. i think...that's why i can't stay in ames...and must move on and take a step towards something different. something i've been longing for for many years. a step forward. a step in obedience.
i desparately want to California....NOW. but, i think it's wiser for me to hold back and save a bit of money. isn't it? gosh. i can't second guess myself now. it's decided. i'm off to live w/ my parents. at one point i thought i was going to be the kid that was bold, courageous, exciting--to move far away from anyone and everyone. now...i'm being a bum and moving home to live w/ my parents. hmpf. i think...there are lies in there i could choose to believe or not. and...i'm not going to! this is a wise choice (for me to move home).
this is boring. i'm leaving. one day i'll have more time to develop some of these thoughts in my head. until then..... relationships are about committment...and emotions without self control....suck.
peace.joy.love.....all in Christ.
posted by lp at 8:39 PM
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