run.
i got this unsettled feeling tonight. i needed to get away. so i put on clothes i rarely go out of the house in...shorts and a tank top....and went running.
i drove to campus...for i didn't want anyone to actually know i was running....and cranked on some good tunes and ran.
i ran past buildings i had class in. i remember walking to class and hoping no one would actually notice me. i would get to class late and slip in the back so as to not have that awkward forced moment of interacting w/ someone. how i changed somewhere in the middle of my college years. how God changed me.
i ran out to fredrickson court. i remembered walking to class w/ friends i no longer talk w/. i saw the horses and felt like a little girl as i tried to get them to notice me. one finally noticed me and instead of letting me rub it's velvety nose.....it turned around and started rubbing it's butt on the fence. it was funny at first...and then i felt awkward for some reason. it was funny for a short time...and then it just kept pushing it's huge rump towards me... and then it was odd and a bit disturbing. so i continued on my run. i hardly ran...it was more like...ran for a few minutes and then walked. i thought my heart might stop beating or i'd faint and no one would find me until morning....so i stopped. that's one bad thing about living alone. no one would know you're dead/missing for awhile. good thing i work every morning at 8.
i decided that all of last year was a dream. it feels completely surreal. it may be my way of escaping the pain...but i'm ok w/ that. i think you can learn from dreams... i know you can. i've been praying that people in muslim saturated places of the world would have visions from Heaven...of reality and truth. that God would reveal himself in this way to those that he has called. i read an article online tonight about a guy who became a believer in part b/c of a vision he had. (not the only reason--but a leading factor). i prayed for visions for myself tonight. that i would really have a sincere and deep knowledge/fear of the Lord.
when i was a girl...i had this distinct feeling that God was goin to use me in some special/unique way. i think i was scared...so, i let sin creep into my life kinda saying, 'ha....now you CAN"T use me'. but...that's crap. i want that childlike faith back. that trust that God is going to use/work through me. i'm regretful for choices made in the past that have harmed and pulled me away from the truth. i despartely want innocence, and a sincere and deep love and faith back.
hmm...i has many more thoughts...but more later.
i drove to campus...for i didn't want anyone to actually know i was running....and cranked on some good tunes and ran.
i ran past buildings i had class in. i remember walking to class and hoping no one would actually notice me. i would get to class late and slip in the back so as to not have that awkward forced moment of interacting w/ someone. how i changed somewhere in the middle of my college years. how God changed me.
i ran out to fredrickson court. i remembered walking to class w/ friends i no longer talk w/. i saw the horses and felt like a little girl as i tried to get them to notice me. one finally noticed me and instead of letting me rub it's velvety nose.....it turned around and started rubbing it's butt on the fence. it was funny at first...and then i felt awkward for some reason. it was funny for a short time...and then it just kept pushing it's huge rump towards me... and then it was odd and a bit disturbing. so i continued on my run. i hardly ran...it was more like...ran for a few minutes and then walked. i thought my heart might stop beating or i'd faint and no one would find me until morning....so i stopped. that's one bad thing about living alone. no one would know you're dead/missing for awhile. good thing i work every morning at 8.
i decided that all of last year was a dream. it feels completely surreal. it may be my way of escaping the pain...but i'm ok w/ that. i think you can learn from dreams... i know you can. i've been praying that people in muslim saturated places of the world would have visions from Heaven...of reality and truth. that God would reveal himself in this way to those that he has called. i read an article online tonight about a guy who became a believer in part b/c of a vision he had. (not the only reason--but a leading factor). i prayed for visions for myself tonight. that i would really have a sincere and deep knowledge/fear of the Lord.
when i was a girl...i had this distinct feeling that God was goin to use me in some special/unique way. i think i was scared...so, i let sin creep into my life kinda saying, 'ha....now you CAN"T use me'. but...that's crap. i want that childlike faith back. that trust that God is going to use/work through me. i'm regretful for choices made in the past that have harmed and pulled me away from the truth. i despartely want innocence, and a sincere and deep love and faith back.
hmm...i has many more thoughts...but more later.
posted by lp at 9:03 PM
1 Comments:
Wow, you are a fantastic writer, and you do a great job of telling your feelings. I wish I could comment a ton, but here is me thanks for your writing. Oh, sorry, I found this randomly clicking the "next blog" box. Your faith has encouraged me too. May God shower you with love and abundant blessing for your soul.
Post a Comment
<< Home