thinking like a missionary.

if i am to get overseas eventually...i must keep my mind set upon this. i must surround myself w/ like minded people. i don't want to settle. i will not settle. i want to make the most of my life. i do not want to live in america. not that america is inhernetly bad. i just want to be in the center of what God is doing. God, keep hold of my heart. May i not settle. i thought my life was headed in one direction...and now it is not. i want to align my life w/ someone... i want to follow them. i am not a leader. team is important. i am trusting God to orchestrate this. i dont' know what this looks like. but, God...please take my affections and shape them unto you. i am affirmed that more training is what i desire.

i was at a point where i didn't want to pursue specific biblical training. when i was w/ josh...i felt that if i had a question i could go to him and ask him what he thought. we could discuss matters together... i respected his opinion. now, i'm at a loss again. i dont' want to be under someone's leadership...and just follow blindly. i want to know what i believe and why. breaking up josh secured my desire to pursue education in a seminary setting. but, how shall i support myself? hmm...these are my thoughts. i'm not sure. God, i can trust you. guide me. i'm at your mercy. life is just a blip in eternity. i want to live and store treasure in heaven....not on earth.

overwhelm me w/ you tonight.
may i awake tomorrow w/ praise on my lips.