joys.

you know the joys of a laptop? i can be online...anywhere.
in my bed, on the couch, at a desk, on the pot. anywhere i'd like.
am i addicted? perhaps... i have felt that i am filling my mind w/ other things.
i don't want to be consumed w/ things of this world. i need to keep my mind on the world...and wht's happening throughout. i don't want to be content being here. is my desire to be overseas a real passion? or a fading fad? it sickens me that it could simply be a fad. i'm too scared to actually doing anything about it. maybe...this is why i am alone right now. for me to really figure out where my heart is and what i want to live for. no lindsay. no marta. no josh. no one to pull me along. it's me and God. yes, i still have those friendships. but, no one i am reliant upon. lindsay is married. marta is dating seriously. and josh is...well, not so much in the picture anymore. all of these people i have aligned my life w/ at some point. now...it's time for me to step up and decide what I want to do. not anyone else. just me. and, i guess i feel slightly selfish. but, i have to. i don't want to go around stumbling through life. i want to grab it...seize it...and live it up. and experience full joy no matter where i am at. i am learning. this is good. i think i am going to school next semester at talbot in la. i would live w/ three other believers near campus. take classes to study the bible w/ an emphasis on christian care and counseling. i think my desire to go overseas will remain strong even as i am around those that aren't pursuing that. i don't want to do a missiology degree. i also see a need to develop skills useful overseas.... so, somehow i will also pursue applied lingustics or TESL. something to that nature.

these are my thoughts for today. they will change soon.