strain towards what is ahead.
i have many regrets... especially how last year went. but, i can't change anything. it's the way it is. and...this is the way life is now.
now...all i can do is strain towards what is ahead. seek God...come before him w/ an open heart and mind. ready to hear from him. ready to be corrected. to seek hard. that's the only thing i REALLY need to do in life. isn't that so simple?
argh...i read some notes i probably shouldn't have. i haven't allowed myself to read them...b/c i knew it would hurt. and it did. what an awesome encourager i had. and now no longer. i want to ask, 'what the heck is wrong w/ me?' but that's the wrong question.
i can see and know that God loves me. he is not concerned w/ my happiness. he wants something deeper. he wants me. now that is love. he wouldn't leave me where i was at. he wanted me to work through this hard stuff...so, i thank him for that. thank you.
but right now...my heart hurts. i wonder 'why'...and long for a 'retry.' daniel always says, 'try again ___' i want to 'try again relationship.' Jesus heals. do i believe it? i see how i am trying to run away...and close off my emotions. i left my intellecutal capacity open to learn...but it's not touching my heart. i see this in the lack of authentic and genuine prayer. that kills me to say. but, it's a confession to you guys that read this. i haven't been able to pinpoint why...but, my prayer life has sucked. and...that kills my energy and joy throughout the day.
here's to a better week.
~lp
now...all i can do is strain towards what is ahead. seek God...come before him w/ an open heart and mind. ready to hear from him. ready to be corrected. to seek hard. that's the only thing i REALLY need to do in life. isn't that so simple?
argh...i read some notes i probably shouldn't have. i haven't allowed myself to read them...b/c i knew it would hurt. and it did. what an awesome encourager i had. and now no longer. i want to ask, 'what the heck is wrong w/ me?' but that's the wrong question.
i can see and know that God loves me. he is not concerned w/ my happiness. he wants something deeper. he wants me. now that is love. he wouldn't leave me where i was at. he wanted me to work through this hard stuff...so, i thank him for that. thank you.
but right now...my heart hurts. i wonder 'why'...and long for a 'retry.' daniel always says, 'try again ___' i want to 'try again relationship.' Jesus heals. do i believe it? i see how i am trying to run away...and close off my emotions. i left my intellecutal capacity open to learn...but it's not touching my heart. i see this in the lack of authentic and genuine prayer. that kills me to say. but, it's a confession to you guys that read this. i haven't been able to pinpoint why...but, my prayer life has sucked. and...that kills my energy and joy throughout the day.
here's to a better week.
~lp
posted by lp at 2:03 PM
1 Comments:
I feel ya. I can't wait to hang out with you next weekend! Hopefully we can encourage one another into getting out of this rut and to have a better week! Love you!
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