packing.
tonight i must pack.
i came home from work tonight... and knew it'd be a short time for i was meeting up w/ people to talk about a book we're reading together. (the Cross centered life - by C.J. Mahaney). In any event.... i decided to lay down for a few minutes. a quick nap. this quick nap turned into a full fledged sleep! i awoke and it was dark outside. i had no idea if it was 5 in the morning or 9pm. dang. what an odd feeling!
i was supposed to be packed...for my mom is driving up tomorrow so i can pack up their van w/ a majority of my stuff. then..for the next month i'll live with what ever will fit in my car. i will worry about where i will actually live when i need to. maybe....july 31st?
going through stuff is a bit surreal. i can't believe my time in ames is over. and...i think what surprises me more is how i am a bit sad. can i really leave ames? no one will really miss me. not saying that a few people won't miss me...but....it doesn't really change anyones life that i am leaving or staying. i don't have a low self-esteem....i just think it's interesting. why am i sad to leave ames? i guess.... it holds so many good memories for me. it's where i've walked the longest w/ my heart set about the things God desires in my life.
i just can't believe i'm not coming back here. i am beginning to like ames. i like the smaller town feel. i like that i work in a lawyers office and know a lot of people in the community now. i like the small business owner feel of things. to know who owns what. and...how everyone is a bit connected. am i beginning to like the feeling of being settled? heck no! (i hope not). but i think that is there somewhere. i see that i do like being a bit settled. but, i think i realize not now. ... 'not yet.' (as quoted from Gladiator...you remember that part)?
i lack energy......maybe i'm sick. argh.
i am so thankful for the healing God has done in my heart. i feel like i have a bit of that joy down in there right now. a bit of freedom to be myself. i still have this ache of missing a certain relationship... and the pain that goes a long with this. but, i have a hope for the future. a deep heart realization that...God DOES want what is best for me. for his glory. i can trust that. i can seek him in the small things....and trust him in the big.
i'm tired. i got stuff to do. peace.
sorry for no more elaboration. i was just surprised at my sadness as i packed to move home! i wanted to share that.
i came home from work tonight... and knew it'd be a short time for i was meeting up w/ people to talk about a book we're reading together. (the Cross centered life - by C.J. Mahaney). In any event.... i decided to lay down for a few minutes. a quick nap. this quick nap turned into a full fledged sleep! i awoke and it was dark outside. i had no idea if it was 5 in the morning or 9pm. dang. what an odd feeling!
i was supposed to be packed...for my mom is driving up tomorrow so i can pack up their van w/ a majority of my stuff. then..for the next month i'll live with what ever will fit in my car. i will worry about where i will actually live when i need to. maybe....july 31st?
going through stuff is a bit surreal. i can't believe my time in ames is over. and...i think what surprises me more is how i am a bit sad. can i really leave ames? no one will really miss me. not saying that a few people won't miss me...but....it doesn't really change anyones life that i am leaving or staying. i don't have a low self-esteem....i just think it's interesting. why am i sad to leave ames? i guess.... it holds so many good memories for me. it's where i've walked the longest w/ my heart set about the things God desires in my life.
i just can't believe i'm not coming back here. i am beginning to like ames. i like the smaller town feel. i like that i work in a lawyers office and know a lot of people in the community now. i like the small business owner feel of things. to know who owns what. and...how everyone is a bit connected. am i beginning to like the feeling of being settled? heck no! (i hope not). but i think that is there somewhere. i see that i do like being a bit settled. but, i think i realize not now. ... 'not yet.' (as quoted from Gladiator...you remember that part)?
i lack energy......maybe i'm sick. argh.
i am so thankful for the healing God has done in my heart. i feel like i have a bit of that joy down in there right now. a bit of freedom to be myself. i still have this ache of missing a certain relationship... and the pain that goes a long with this. but, i have a hope for the future. a deep heart realization that...God DOES want what is best for me. for his glory. i can trust that. i can seek him in the small things....and trust him in the big.
i'm tired. i got stuff to do. peace.
sorry for no more elaboration. i was just surprised at my sadness as i packed to move home! i wanted to share that.
posted by lp at 9:07 PM
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