friends.

i cried tonight.

i was in this conversation w/ a friend. and...tears started flowing. i couldn't hold them back.

do you ever just feel alone? and..that you just want someone to understand and love you unconditionally? do you ever just feel tired of fighting? fighting to be real. to be loved. to love. to be yourself.

i often do.

i know i should find my strength and hope and confidence in Christ alone. am I? is this need to be loved... from God? i think it might be. it is. it only becomes unhealthy when we change ourselves to mold to what someone else wants us to be. we must embrace and believe that we are accepted by God. how the inflitration of this truth into our lives would change us!

this conversation with my friend...frustrated me. i don't want to explain what i want in a friend or how to be a friend or to be exasperated in communicating w/ others. i know being a friend takes hard work...and i don't shy away from this. but, i want to be surprised. and pursued. for who i am.... not what i have to offer. cuz...i have nothing.

it's true...i often am more hurt by certain relationships then gain. but...isn't that sorta what relationships are about? am i completely messed up? perhaps.

maybe i need sleep.