quietness.

i arrive to my home late at night.  a few nights ago a heavy fog settled upon my surroundings.  i've never been as disoriented as i was that evening.  perhaps its because i am no longer use to incliment weather...but, this fog was thick.  i actually drove past my turn and the odd thing was that i was actively looking for the turn off.  i stepped out of the car...and an eery silence screamed and filled my ears.  i am surrounded by people where i live.  it's not like i can hop in the car and hit a corn field in 15 minutes....  i can hop in the car and not hit open space for hours.  it's incredibly clausterphobic.  this fog just gave me a feeling of aloneness.  a feeling that is familiar... and it's familiarity brings me comfort.  i'm not sure what to do if i don't feel this deep loneliness.  can i be happy?  can i be carefree?  do i even have this capacity?  i think i do.  i am created with this capacity but it has not been trained in the ways some of my other capacities have been trained.  can i train myself in joy?  i think that i can.  and i might try it out.