sigh.

recently i realized what an incredible ride the last few months have been. but, have i dived in deeply to all that God would have for me during this time?


i feel guilty sometimes because i am not 'reaching out' to others around me. but...am i not? am i? maybe i am just feeling guilty for no reason... and i am reaching out to those in my life right now. but, maybe the 'right' people aren't in my life that i am reaching out to. maybe they aren't the 'needy' people. but...maybe they are. perhaps i am comparing my life now to an unhealthy style of life lived in previous years. years when i felt obligated to intentionality with others in my life. now...don't hear me wrong...i know that being intentional is important...but, i also think guilt drove me alot in past years. i didn't love others with a joy...but, simply an obligation. although...i think sometimes the obligation must be the kicker. what finally drives you out of your little comfort zone. but...i want to be out of my comfort zone without that pressure of guilt. i just want to be free and live life. so...right now...i am desiring to be faithful in the small things in life. to the relationships i currently have in my life. to be thankful for this time of deep rest.



yah. that's it. check out what i did this weekend. i felt guilty b/c i didn't feel like i deserved this. i remember different times in ukraine having a few days off...and just relaxing for a day. but...it was so sweet b/c we had been working so hard for so long! but...i didn't feel like i deserved such a break this time. but...can't i just enjoy it? and not feel guilty?