sometimes i feel like my mind may explode....but it's good.
sometimes i feel like my heart will exlplde.....even better.

i feel like i've been wrestling with many issues lately and especially the past year.

ok...so, you've heard the shpeel (if you have been in the 'missions' circle of the americna church)...that we should go to all nations and preach to all peoples b/c then the end will come. there are entire websites devoted to making sure all peoples group will here and this feat is scheduled to be obtained in 59.78 years and 12 seconds. ok...so, you can obviously tell where i stand on the issue. i have a few issues with this teaching.

1. i don't like the way it makes me feel. mostly b/c it seems to have given US power to determine when Christ will return. as if God relies upon us to share with his people. and not until every single peoples group has heard will he even think about returning. we better figure out how. we better go to those that are unreached!!

2. the teaching always come across as, 'GO AND SAVE THE WORLD AMERICA!' and i totally know that's not what was being said. but...this is how it made me feel.

it just didn't sit right with me. i was frustrated. i'd leave the persepectives class crying, distraught, angry, hurt, misunderstood....all wrapped up into one huge mess. which.....left me one huge mess. amongst this was my hurt in feeling as if my work within ukraine wasn't needed. wasn't important. was useless. no one ever told me this...but, just things i would feel. so....rationally i knew it was absurd. but my emotions were still realing in this agony of misunderstanding.

this whole teaching stems from a passage in matthew 24:14 which states: "And this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come." Do you know what this passage speaks of? The end times. (super messy when lots of people disagree about when Christ will return...when the rapture will happen...and what all that stuff looks like). but...what can be said of this passage is that perhaps this is DURING the end times. My prof pointed back to revelation during the tribulation when seven angels will be soaring through heaven proclaiming the gospel from the sky! and people will STILL reject Jesus as lord! unbelieveable. but, ultimately...it's not once every people group hears that Christ will return. it's whenever he chooses. we just must be obedient to proclaim the word now. wherever.

i am not making my point extremely clear. i don't completely understand it myself. but, honestly...just the fact that someone could engage me in this type of conversation and point me to scripture in an ENTIRELY new light was amazing to me. this issue which has frustrated me for years wasn't explained away...but, another idea was placed in my head so as to ease that tension and wounded heart. simply...amazing.

i'm realizing theology is important in a church. it's important for a church to know its stance. some maintain every people group needs to be reached. but, some just...are zealous for the spreading of the gospel and cling to passages which may not be saying what they claim it to say.

i've always had this frustration b/c i've longed to be overseas in some capacity...but, never embraced the teaching which caused (some) people to head over.

i am just extremely thankful to be right here....right now. God...you are good.