stirrings.
stuff has been stirring up recently. this past weekend i went on a retreat with those in the first year of my program as well as the ISF faculty. there were about 40 of us in all and we split into a few different groups. within these groups we shared our 'life maps.' basically... important circumstances/events/people are marked with different colored sticky notes on a small posterboard from birth until the present. difficult things are written on green sticky notes, while things which were a time of grace are marked with blue and others events are yellow. at the end you have a board covered in sticky notes of all colors. times of trial stand out because they're completely green. (my entire time during thailand was green). it was an interesting experience. i must admit it wasn't anything incredibly new to me. (sharing ones life and letting oneself be known). i didn't have the same experience as others who went up on the retreat. my feelings were mixed concerning the entire thing.
we were split into smaller groups and after sharing my life map with the other 4 members of my group they had an opportunity to share w/ me things which they saw or heard within my time of sharing. this could be anything....and they said these things after spending a few moments with the Lord asking what they should say. anywho...what came out of that time of sharing was interesting. i have had a lot of experiences in groups of people (on various overseas teams, etc) and different relationships with people. within these relationships i have felt God's love in real ways. although...most of these people have slipped out of my life, moved on, or hurt me deeply. because i identified these people's relationship w/ me similiar to how i viewed and understood God's relationship to me...it has caused me to have an incomplete view of God. i take my understanding of other people and attribute their love/interactions with me as similar to those of God's towards me. instead of understanding God's love through other people...i should begin to understand God's love from God himself. it's a process of maturity.... and one which i feel like God is beckoning me towards.
in ways my life feels scattered. i feel like i have all these different fragments and no constant (rough reference to LOST here). i don't have anything that pulls all these ares of my life together. the iowa part. the josiah venture part. the thailand part. the ukraine part. the parkview part. the ames part. the iowa city part. the overseas part. the california part. sometimes...i feel lonely and isolated....even though i am surrounded by some of the best community i have ever experienced. i guess i do have that need (as everyone does) to be known. and...i am going through a mourning process as i realize more fully that i will never be fully and completely known by any one person. while, i could have verbalized this to you a week ago...i am beginning to feel it more and more as God takes me through different experiences. completing my life map over the weekend made me realize this more and more. this IS some of the best community i have experienced in life.... but, soon it will just be another sticky note on my lifemap. i will move away from this place...from these people. they will move on in life too. and... that makes me feel a deep sadness and loneliness.
i am connected more with people then with God. i feel God's love through other people...and it needs to come from him first. One of the books i have read for class states: "one will tend to present oneself to God on the basis of what one imagines is the 'right way' to relate to God, and one will tend to experience God in the way one expects to experience him." Basically the book proposes that we all have different structures in which we understand and comprehend our interactions with others. Our interactions with God will fit this same schema. messages will only be communicated insofar as the recipient is ready to receive it (pg 83). our perceptions of what is going on around us are distorted by our past experiences (the developed schema in which we interpret our interactions with others). are you guys still with me? ok...so...basically if we come across something which doesn't fit into our developed schema...then we will interpret it in such a way so that it WILL fit in. and...basically because humans are fallen...my interactions w/ fallen humans will never be sufficient for the reality of who God is. therefore...i must move from using relationships w/ others as a means to understand God's love and move more towards knowing God's love. I am definitely not saying that God isn't made known through relationships with others...i definitely think he is. However, at some point in life we grow past this childish understanding and comprehending.
my longing for a constant in life is good. sometimes God provides those blessings in life. sometimes they are taken away. but, it's all in sweet process of knowing God in a fuller and more complete way. That's the basic jist of this entry. i am excited as i feel God luring me on towards a deeper relationship with him...and one which i didn't even fathom was needed or possible a few weeks ago. i'm no longer simply trudging along. i feel like...i am understanding more and more how this Christian life is an opening of ourselves to another. not to an idea...but, a being. a person. sigh. but, i suppose that rant is for another entry. props to those who read to the end. this may or may not have made sense. there is a lot going on within these different thoughts and so many tangents to be explored. a key one is the idea of a 'constant' in my life....one whom knows these different components about me. is this needed in life? not really....but, i suppose it causes me to feel isolated. but...this is probably a good thing...as i don't grasp my identity from others. sigh.... ENOUGH. Now PICTURES!
the good looking peeps in our car. debi. me. wes. and carly.
melody and me and panera bread. an incredibly sweet girl whom i have had the blessing of getting to know this year. we get to be in a small group together and benefit from hearing pete's amazing analogies.
this is me and kate. she's a beautiful woman with a soft heart. she's a blast to hang out with...and i laugh w/ her alot. i also have a warm knee...b/c she likes to grab it and hold it in class. i let her...she's that cool.
**the book is titled: The practice of Spiritual Direction by William Barry and William Connolly.
we were split into smaller groups and after sharing my life map with the other 4 members of my group they had an opportunity to share w/ me things which they saw or heard within my time of sharing. this could be anything....and they said these things after spending a few moments with the Lord asking what they should say. anywho...what came out of that time of sharing was interesting. i have had a lot of experiences in groups of people (on various overseas teams, etc) and different relationships with people. within these relationships i have felt God's love in real ways. although...most of these people have slipped out of my life, moved on, or hurt me deeply. because i identified these people's relationship w/ me similiar to how i viewed and understood God's relationship to me...it has caused me to have an incomplete view of God. i take my understanding of other people and attribute their love/interactions with me as similar to those of God's towards me. instead of understanding God's love through other people...i should begin to understand God's love from God himself. it's a process of maturity.... and one which i feel like God is beckoning me towards.
in ways my life feels scattered. i feel like i have all these different fragments and no constant (rough reference to LOST here). i don't have anything that pulls all these ares of my life together. the iowa part. the josiah venture part. the thailand part. the ukraine part. the parkview part. the ames part. the iowa city part. the overseas part. the california part. sometimes...i feel lonely and isolated....even though i am surrounded by some of the best community i have ever experienced. i guess i do have that need (as everyone does) to be known. and...i am going through a mourning process as i realize more fully that i will never be fully and completely known by any one person. while, i could have verbalized this to you a week ago...i am beginning to feel it more and more as God takes me through different experiences. completing my life map over the weekend made me realize this more and more. this IS some of the best community i have experienced in life.... but, soon it will just be another sticky note on my lifemap. i will move away from this place...from these people. they will move on in life too. and... that makes me feel a deep sadness and loneliness.
i am connected more with people then with God. i feel God's love through other people...and it needs to come from him first. One of the books i have read for class states: "one will tend to present oneself to God on the basis of what one imagines is the 'right way' to relate to God, and one will tend to experience God in the way one expects to experience him." Basically the book proposes that we all have different structures in which we understand and comprehend our interactions with others. Our interactions with God will fit this same schema. messages will only be communicated insofar as the recipient is ready to receive it (pg 83). our perceptions of what is going on around us are distorted by our past experiences (the developed schema in which we interpret our interactions with others). are you guys still with me? ok...so...basically if we come across something which doesn't fit into our developed schema...then we will interpret it in such a way so that it WILL fit in. and...basically because humans are fallen...my interactions w/ fallen humans will never be sufficient for the reality of who God is. therefore...i must move from using relationships w/ others as a means to understand God's love and move more towards knowing God's love. I am definitely not saying that God isn't made known through relationships with others...i definitely think he is. However, at some point in life we grow past this childish understanding and comprehending.
my longing for a constant in life is good. sometimes God provides those blessings in life. sometimes they are taken away. but, it's all in sweet process of knowing God in a fuller and more complete way. That's the basic jist of this entry. i am excited as i feel God luring me on towards a deeper relationship with him...and one which i didn't even fathom was needed or possible a few weeks ago. i'm no longer simply trudging along. i feel like...i am understanding more and more how this Christian life is an opening of ourselves to another. not to an idea...but, a being. a person. sigh. but, i suppose that rant is for another entry. props to those who read to the end. this may or may not have made sense. there is a lot going on within these different thoughts and so many tangents to be explored. a key one is the idea of a 'constant' in my life....one whom knows these different components about me. is this needed in life? not really....but, i suppose it causes me to feel isolated. but...this is probably a good thing...as i don't grasp my identity from others. sigh.... ENOUGH. Now PICTURES!
the good looking peeps in our car. debi. me. wes. and carly.melody and me and panera bread. an incredibly sweet girl whom i have had the blessing of getting to know this year. we get to be in a small group together and benefit from hearing pete's amazing analogies.this is me and kate. she's a beautiful woman with a soft heart. she's a blast to hang out with...and i laugh w/ her alot. i also have a warm knee...b/c she likes to grab it and hold it in class. i let her...she's that cool.**the book is titled: The practice of Spiritual Direction by William Barry and William Connolly.
posted by lp at 9:26 PM
1 Comments:
if u were coffee, God would be the stirring stick.
i think i have a book by Beth Moore about Jesus. and becuz of it, i went to meditate on the person of Jesus through the names that tell about Him in Rev. 2-3. it was good getting my mind opened to Who He was,is,and always will be. =) if u wanna see the book, just let me kno.
Post a Comment
<< Home