it's all about the C's...
communication.
committment.
that is basically what relationships boil down to, isn't it? i have leaps and bounds to grow in both of these categories...as most people do. i realize how often i feel things.... but do not express them to others. why? some of it has to do w/ conditioning or the environment grown up in. but, i think it's silly to blame everything upon our environment.
but...let's cut to the chase....it's because we're selfish. we want to save face. we don't want to look like fools. we don't want to tell the other person that we care about them. we don't want to tell the other person they did something great. or we like that quality about them. if we told them we cared about them (and dare i say LOVE them)...it may show us dependent upon them in some odd way. does dependency show weakness?
worse yet...what if they don't reciprocate? you don't want to tell another you like them unless you're fairly certain they have a thing going for you.
what if someone else tells you they care about you? how should one respond? "thank you."? a trite, "me too"? i don't think we express our feelings to each other much. and...when it happens it feels slightly odd. perhaps that is why we have become a culture that cannot accept compliments. you tell someone you like their hair and they tell you who cut it. you like their shirt...well, it was on sale at this store. dang...just say thank you! (or...how DOES one respond??)
how i wish i would have taken time in my life to express my care and love for others who are now no longer in my life. i want people to know how i really feel about them. i want to accept peoples compliments and believe what they say. how come i push away peoples comments?
that covers the communication aspect...as for the committment part...one should probably not speak to me about that for another year or two.
alas...it's always easier to desire to share your true feelings when the task isn't staring you directly in the face. i want to be open enough and secure enough to lay myself out there and express my care and concern for someone without being afraid of their response....or lack of response. why are we scared to be vulnerable? why am i scared of being dependent? what crap is that!? my security is in something far greater than what anyone on this earth could ever offer! i shouldn't look for it from other people. and therein lies our problem, i believe. where does our security come from?
**this may warrant an additonal blog upon how to understand someones words when they no longer are in your life. this...i have no idea how to handle. and probably a core reason why compliments are pushed away. b/c...who the heck can we believe? but...a different entry...at a later date when God somehow reveals the answer to me.****
God help us be encouraging and loving towards each other... may we maintain healthy relationships. may we honor others above ourselves. show us how. i fail too often. convict us...and change us.
committment.
that is basically what relationships boil down to, isn't it? i have leaps and bounds to grow in both of these categories...as most people do. i realize how often i feel things.... but do not express them to others. why? some of it has to do w/ conditioning or the environment grown up in. but, i think it's silly to blame everything upon our environment.
but...let's cut to the chase....it's because we're selfish. we want to save face. we don't want to look like fools. we don't want to tell the other person that we care about them. we don't want to tell the other person they did something great. or we like that quality about them. if we told them we cared about them (and dare i say LOVE them)...it may show us dependent upon them in some odd way. does dependency show weakness?
worse yet...what if they don't reciprocate? you don't want to tell another you like them unless you're fairly certain they have a thing going for you.
what if someone else tells you they care about you? how should one respond? "thank you."? a trite, "me too"? i don't think we express our feelings to each other much. and...when it happens it feels slightly odd. perhaps that is why we have become a culture that cannot accept compliments. you tell someone you like their hair and they tell you who cut it. you like their shirt...well, it was on sale at this store. dang...just say thank you! (or...how DOES one respond??)
how i wish i would have taken time in my life to express my care and love for others who are now no longer in my life. i want people to know how i really feel about them. i want to accept peoples compliments and believe what they say. how come i push away peoples comments?
that covers the communication aspect...as for the committment part...one should probably not speak to me about that for another year or two.
alas...it's always easier to desire to share your true feelings when the task isn't staring you directly in the face. i want to be open enough and secure enough to lay myself out there and express my care and concern for someone without being afraid of their response....or lack of response. why are we scared to be vulnerable? why am i scared of being dependent? what crap is that!? my security is in something far greater than what anyone on this earth could ever offer! i shouldn't look for it from other people. and therein lies our problem, i believe. where does our security come from?
**this may warrant an additonal blog upon how to understand someones words when they no longer are in your life. this...i have no idea how to handle. and probably a core reason why compliments are pushed away. b/c...who the heck can we believe? but...a different entry...at a later date when God somehow reveals the answer to me.****
God help us be encouraging and loving towards each other... may we maintain healthy relationships. may we honor others above ourselves. show us how. i fail too often. convict us...and change us.
posted by lp at 1:41 PM
1 Comments:
I really don't agree with u about the whole communication thing.. it's a very feminine take on the whole issue. For guys, our feeling or thoughts may not be even defined when in a relationship; meaning, when some girl says, "I love you." a guy might think: OH $*%T! I don't even know how I feel. I like her but I don't know about love.. I don't even know how I feel about my football team this year.. how am I supposed to know about this girl?
A part of the communicated during a relationship can be a time of uncertainty. I know for a fact that for many of the women I've dated where I've said those horrible words to (and even was genuine about it), in hindsight, i know that I didn't love them.
That's why when someone says "I love you" to tell them, with a much sass as u can muster, "I know it baby!"
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