infatuation.
Infatuation is the state of being completely carried away by unreasoning passion or love; addictive love. Infatuation usually occurs at the beginning of relationship...
i think one of the coolest things in the world is to have someone love you. i don't know if anyone has ever loved me. i think a few people have been infatuated with me. this is also an amazing thing to experience. i think i sorta squirmed at the time... i felt uncomfortable and a bit foolish. it's like....you suddenly have this power over someone. they think you are pretty amazing and no wrong can be done by you. therefore...you can treat the person like dirt and they don't care. or...you can just be yourself and they don't care. i like that. i thrive on relationships like that. not that i can treat them like dirt. but...that i am real. but...it stings when the person that is infatuated w/ you moves on. they become interested in someone else. and...it's hurtful...even though you know it's for the best b/c something 'deeper' would never work out. but...not being the center of someone's world sucks....especially when you once were. maybe it was all in my dreams....and no one has ever been infatuated w/ me. and...i just feel like i can be myself around them but they just don't like me. relationships which break are just plain hard. the result of living in fallen world. our hearts were not meant to break. we were made to love and be loved. my theology sucks, but something is true within that statement.
did you know that God loves us with an unconditional love? a selfless love? not wanting anything back from us. but, loves us. just because that is who he is? isn't that incredible? it's an intrinsic characteristic of God: Love. he doesn't need anything from us. despite the fact we often think he does. we play the 'poor God' card and rally ourselves to preach the gospel everywhere...b/c if we don't no one will hear. not true. (again, poor or underdeveloped theology). but...i guess tonight i began to wonder if anyone would stick through life w/ me. i often have people hang out w/ me for awhile and then they move on quickly. is it an air i put off? yes. i'll admit i have turned a cold shoulder to a few different guys i knew i didn't want to be involved with. but, wht of the people in my life who were good friends...and then just blew me off? i can't just shake that hurt. should i? should i just shake hurt? or should i dive in and explore all possible reasons for the hurt and identify my wrong, their wrong, the wrong, etc..... i think i will explore these issues as i begin my studies next fall in the spiritual formation program. i have a feeling i will be doing alot of exploring past experiences in life.
i think one of the coolest things in the world is to have someone love you. i don't know if anyone has ever loved me. i think a few people have been infatuated with me. this is also an amazing thing to experience. i think i sorta squirmed at the time... i felt uncomfortable and a bit foolish. it's like....you suddenly have this power over someone. they think you are pretty amazing and no wrong can be done by you. therefore...you can treat the person like dirt and they don't care. or...you can just be yourself and they don't care. i like that. i thrive on relationships like that. not that i can treat them like dirt. but...that i am real. but...it stings when the person that is infatuated w/ you moves on. they become interested in someone else. and...it's hurtful...even though you know it's for the best b/c something 'deeper' would never work out. but...not being the center of someone's world sucks....especially when you once were. maybe it was all in my dreams....and no one has ever been infatuated w/ me. and...i just feel like i can be myself around them but they just don't like me. relationships which break are just plain hard. the result of living in fallen world. our hearts were not meant to break. we were made to love and be loved. my theology sucks, but something is true within that statement.
did you know that God loves us with an unconditional love? a selfless love? not wanting anything back from us. but, loves us. just because that is who he is? isn't that incredible? it's an intrinsic characteristic of God: Love. he doesn't need anything from us. despite the fact we often think he does. we play the 'poor God' card and rally ourselves to preach the gospel everywhere...b/c if we don't no one will hear. not true. (again, poor or underdeveloped theology). but...i guess tonight i began to wonder if anyone would stick through life w/ me. i often have people hang out w/ me for awhile and then they move on quickly. is it an air i put off? yes. i'll admit i have turned a cold shoulder to a few different guys i knew i didn't want to be involved with. but, wht of the people in my life who were good friends...and then just blew me off? i can't just shake that hurt. should i? should i just shake hurt? or should i dive in and explore all possible reasons for the hurt and identify my wrong, their wrong, the wrong, etc..... i think i will explore these issues as i begin my studies next fall in the spiritual formation program. i have a feeling i will be doing alot of exploring past experiences in life.
posted by lp at 7:10 PM
3 Comments:
Huh.
i was thinking about this blog as i drove home from work today. thinking of how having people admire me isn't that sweet. b/c...i believe people see a person who doesn't really exist. i tell them this and they insist that i am what they see and blah blah blah. but, a few months down the road...after i begin to believe slightly what they say to be true...they aren't in the picture anymore. you are dang right i don't need someone telling me who i am. i know who i am.
when you explore the wrong/their wrong/your wrong let me know what you come to terms with because I need that too.
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