my christmas.

Family.


Family is so important.
My grandparents had four kids.
Each of their children remains happily married and now have children of their own.
Below is a recent picture taken in the lounge of the hospital.





Do you have traditions in your family? We don't have too many. I always get to open one present on Christmas Eve...and they are always pajamas. This year they are orange and super soft. I like them lots. Also, whenever we get together with the family my grandpa sings, 'o holy night.' our family is kinda musical. this year my two cousins, kristie and kate, sang while kristies husband played piano. we had to play in the lounge of the hospital because my grandma was stuck there for the holiday. but, it was beautiful. i dont' think there was a dry eye in the place. what a beautiful song. hopefully i can figure out how to post a video.



Even the security guards watching had tears in their eyes. It was quite a sweet site to see such a large group of family gathered. A large community made up of smaller family units. It was beautiful. This idea in and of itself made my heart swell with thanksgiving for what God has done in our family. For allowing much of our family to taste sweet gifts from him. I'm going to post a few photos here...and i hope you can catch a glimpse of what time w/ my family is like.



Here is a picture of us listening to Kristie and Kate sing while Jeff plays the piano. I hope to post a video of this. My cousins are extremely gifted musically. Jeff actually has a cd or two out. You can check out his blog here.




Here is a picture of my grandma in the hospital. My grandpa is taking such great care of her. They love each other so much. It's the sweetest thing to see. They have been together for 65 years. Can you believe that?

Here is the family as we all sit around the table and talk... this time we passed around old picture (a few of which i posted earlier). It was fun to hear stories...and to laugh. My uncle roger is awesome....he took me to 'pursuit of happyness' one evening. what a God fearing man. he has been a source of encouragement for me during times when i've needed it the most.

Grab bag time with the family.

Abbie....with my cousin rick.

Reed, Lucy, Kristie and Charlie.

thousands....

thousands of thoughts have gone through my head in the past few days. i wish i was a better writer so i could express myself. what a frustrating thing to feel misunderstood...or that no one even desires to understand you. i was flipping through the channels last night after my parents headed over to the Arthurs. i was emotionally exhausted...and unable to concentrate on much. i watched a snippet of a movie as i was flipping through... it was a shot of a young couple walking through an orphanage. they were introduced to each kid...and they walked by all the kids until they approached a really cute little girl who was chosen. the girl walked out of the orphanage with a tiny suitcase in hand and climbed into the car of her new family. the other kids looked on from inside the building. it cuts to this adorable little boy who questions why no one ever wants him...and he thinks no one will ever want him. how sad. but, i think this is how we all feel sometimes. this is why ephesians 1 is such a sweet chapter to remember and reflect upon. that we are chosen and adopted into God's family. we are sealed as his...bought at a price. how amazing. it is in this hope that we can stand. this is where our joy is found.

death spins many things into perspective. the importance of family. the eternal things which await us.

what if you knew you were to die tomorrow. would you have lived your life any differently today? do you think people would waste time going to movies and just allowing their brains to be entertained in this capacity? would they go to the mall and waste an afternoon? um...a few months ago i would have said no. but, today i think...yes. because...it's not really WHAT we do...but, how we do it and with who. going to a movie isn't inherently wrong. but using entertainment as an escape from some reality probably IS wrong. i'm finished w/ feeling guilty over enjoying a cup of coffee, going to a movie, or taking a nap. God meant us to enjoy things...and it's sin that has so corrupted our lives.

i was at the hospital...staring at the lady that was sitting behind the nurses desk. i think she found me odd. i was deep in thought and couldn't look away or i would loose the thought. i realized how the entire staff of the hospital exists because of the fall. the staff is there to help people that are enevitably going to die. we are all just prolonging what WILL come: Death. we just must decide how much effort it is worth to prolong life. our bodies are decaying slowly. they will shut down. a mere cold could be what kills you as you ripen with age. these people flood the hospital...and beg for drugs to dull the pain. but, death cannot be ended. the lady at the front desk looked about ready to shoot herself. granted...it was christmas day and probably not the first place she wanted to be on that particular day...but, i realized how we were not meant to work in these mundane jobs. we were meant to live for something more. how can we live like that on this earth? can we? and to what extent? do you ever feel like you're really living? and this is what life is all about? i've felt like that a few select moments in my life....but, those are rare. i wonder if i will ever experience those again. but...it is those sweet moments which spur me on to continue to hope in what is to come.

we are all just passing through...may we live for what really matters.
make the best of each moment. not be captivated by fear...but, to live in such a hope. the hope we have because our savior came...and will reign forever and ever.
come Lord Jesus, come.

family.

my grandma had huge plans for this christmas. she thinks it will be her last. one wish was for all her kids (4) to bring pictures to the family gathering. we all convened in minneapolis at my aunt and uncles place. all four of the kids were there...and some of their kids, and their kids' kids. one tradition is to have my grandpa and cousins sing, 'O Holy Night.' This year we overtook the lobby of the hosptial while my cousins sang in line with tradition. it was amazing. perhaps i'll post pics from that time up here...but, i think it's a family thing in which no one else will really care. but, alas...this is my blog so i'll post it if i want to! and...i found some sweet pics of my parents when they were youngins. I love the picture of my dad w/ the chemistry set. isn't he adorable??? seriously.

**note an update on 12/22 entry**

map

life.

life. it's odd when you think about it.
relationships aren't the most important thing in life.
but, i see family as being extremely important.
hmm...how do i reconcile this?

after being in minneapolis a few hours i realized this christmas will be much different than past holidays. my grandma is extremely weak and can hardly get from the hospital bed to a chair where she sits to eat. my grandpa and aunt and uncle are at home sick with the flu, and tomorrow is christmas eve. it's craziness! most holidays everyone sits around, talks, play games, watch tv, laugh, go to a movie, shop.... this holiday is already much different. i'm realizing that... not everything is about me. why do i make it? forgive me. may i look much to others....and want the best for others. (in a healthy way...right??)

i can't really blog well anymore.
i pretty much have lost heart and desire because....
1. no one really reads it....so why post anything.
2. maybe people read it....so maybe i shouldn't be as straightforward as i like.
3. it's a waste of time. (but...really it takes me a minute to put up each post).

shall i continue?

pray.

This is a picture taken this evening (12/22/06).
Pray for the Arthurs this season.
Kathy has patiently, and selflessly, taken care of Gary during the ups and downs of the past 18 months. Oh, that God would be glorified during the last few days of Gary's life. May this remind us of the futility of life... but, the hope that is yet to come. This earth is NOT our home. Grace and peace to you.

**update**
Gary went home to be with Jesus on Tuesday evening. Friends and family gathered
together to pray and talk. What a sweet time to reflect upon what is to come.
**update**

where...

where do i belong.
who knows me.
who loves me.
what is selfishness.
what is selflessness.
what is right.
who can i relate to.
who understands me.
where can i go.

we don't belong here.
don't settle and maintain.
long for something more.

be overjoyed.
God loves you.
the creator of the moon, sun and stars knows you...and loves you.
be overjoyed.

figures.

i spent my whole first day off work...in bed. sick. i thought i was going to die. i don't do well with pain i guess. i got myself thinking i had cancer of the stomach and would never again keep food down. but...it's now 11pm...and i'm feeling slightly better. i blacked out today..which is sometimes a neat experience. have you ever blacked out?? it's like...your body is quickly shutting down but your brain continues to work super fast. i kept thinking... 'stand up...blink...am i blinking? walk up the stairs, no...don't go on the stairs b/c if you fall down it will hurt... but just get to a bed so you can fall onto the bed...but maybe if i just sit down here i won't hit anything...' and i thought of all these things instantly.

crazy.

got word tonight one of our family friends has run out of options in his fight for cancer. actually...we had known this for a few weeks now. but they were attempting one last thing. it has not taken affect. he has days to live. pray for him and his family this christmas season. tomorrow his grown kids arrive to spend christmas. may they enjoy these last days together. my mom told me tonight she is not ready to deal with this part of life...and she knows as she grows older she faces more and more of these situations.

everyone.

you ever feel like everyone in the world is against you?
you have no where to turn?
no friend to confide?
no one who loves you?

that is when you hit bottom.
and realize that Jesus...is really the only secure thing.
the only rock.
foundation.
unconditional.

you can't run to entertainment.
sleep does not come so the pain is not dulled.
hiding doesn't help...for you can't hide from hurt.

come lord jesus...come.

finished.

i am finished w/ my classes for the semester.
phew.
now off to clean my room, make cookies, and hang out with my family.
maybe i shall sit under the christmas tree, wrapped in a blanket, listen to christmas music and sip some hot chocolate.
i will be away from my computer...cuz i'm sick of sitting in front of it.
you can check out my work on my other blog entitled, "notes."
peace.joy.love.
~elizabeth.

i shall miss much...

hmm...why i like the office.

one more...

i have one more paper to write for class.
it's over a book by jack deere: 'surprised by the voice of God.'

read this review....at least the first few paragraphs.
dang...i don't know how to write this paper.

open skies.

 

 

praise.

Praise Him under open skies
Everything breathing praising God
In the company of all who love the King
I will dance, I will sing
It could be heavenly
Turn the music loud, lift my voice and shout
From where I am
From where I've been
He's been there with me
He's built a monument
His very people
So let his people
Sing, sing, sing

And it's so wonderful
Just to be here now

CHORUS:
Praise Him under open skies
Everything breathing praising God
In the company
Of all who love the King
Praise Him under open skies
Everything breathing praising God
In the company
Of all who love the King

Praise Him under open skies
Everything breathing praising God
In the company of all who love the King
Let us dance, let us sing
It could be heavenly
Turn the music loud and sing

And it's so wonderful
Just to be here now

one night.

one evening in the middle of march...i walked in the dark (pic take in day) w/ some friends back to their house. the moon was up. the road was gravel and definitely not scooped. in fact...it was that slushy type of mixture. and some of the puddles were huge and if stumbled into water would come up mid-calf. cold. then it began to rain.

i laughed. we laughed. it was cold and miserable. but once we arrived home hot water was put on the stove and we ate some stale cookies. we couldn't always understand each other...but we laughed. we loved deeply. i'll not forget the time i spent in ukraine for that short week last march. it was simply amazing in so many ways. many points were drive home to my heart. how i felt about ones i loved whom i had left and longed to share my other love, ukriane, with. how i saw the two local churches in america and ukraine be encouraged and pray together. i saw one body! brought together by the one thing which binds us all together...christ's love.

all that 10/40, perspectives, missions crap was mumble jumble in light of....reality. authenticity. love. i don't know the right answer in all of the 'reaching the world w/ Christ ASAP so the new millinium will begin.' i realized recently my theology differs from many. perhaps i will never agree. but, whose to say my opinion is right? we are probably never going to agree. dare i say it? the phrase, 'unreached people' makes me want to puke. maybe i don't have the heart for missions. at least not the way the american church is pushing it.

God...may your will be done...
i feel we are making a mess of things.
heal broken hearts... may we expereince you.
may this impassion us to share you with whoever we encounter....
wherever we go in this world.




-------
i have one more paper to write for a clas. it's basically ripping apart this dude named jack deere. deere supports the idea that miracuolous events still occur...and most of the church doesn't see it because we hide behind scripture to state these events don't occur anymore. i am not going to be able to write this paper. it's obvious the school doesn't think deere's arguements stand up to scripture. but...i don't know. am i too nice? i don't have such a critical mind.
------------

Immortal Invisible God Only Wise Hymn

Immortal, invisible, God only wise,
In light inaccessible hid from our eyes,
Most blessed, most glorious, the Ancient of Days,
Almighty, victorious, thy great name we praise.

Unresting, unhasting, and silent as light,
Nor wanting, nor wasting, thou rulest in might;
Thy justice like mountains high soaring above
Thy clouds which are fountains of goodness and love.

To all life thou givest to both great and small;
In all life thou livest, the true life of all;
We blossom and flourish as leaves on the tree,
And wither and perish but nought changeth thee.

Great Father of glory, pure Father of light,
Thine angels adore thee, all veiling their sight;
All laud we would render: O help us to see
'Tis only the splendour of light hideth thee.

preschool.

in preschool one sweet thing you get to do is sing songs.
you know...those silly songs. like...the peanut butter and jelly song. or...'where is thumbkin?' (that was my favorite of last week...b/c kids can't get their fingers to respond as they would like...and it's hilarious to watch them try). we also read books. this past week we were reading some eric carle books. they are framed around this general framework: "brown bear, brown bear what do you see?"
"I see a purple goat looking at me..."
"purple goat, purple goat...."
blah blah blah.

the past few days i've been attempting to catch up on missed reading for my OT survey class. so i've been working on the minor prophets tonight. i got to zechariah and started reading chapter 5 and i couldn't help but laugh aloud. Check it: "Then I turned to look, and there was a flying scroll! Someone asked me, “What do you see?” I replied, “I see a flying scroll thirty feet long and fifteen feet wide.”" Zechariah 5:1-2.

Do you think a song about Zechariah seeing a flying scroll would fly in a childrens book format?
"zechariah, zechariah, what do you see?"
"I see a flying scroll spinning towards me"

anyone...? anyone...? is it just late at night. sorry.

tradition.

cuddle up in a blanket with a glass of eggnog.

...

i don't want my words to just be words.
they need to be propelled into action.
but, action must start somewhere.
perhaps they begin in the heart...only to overflow into words...and eventually action.

but what takes something from word to action?
motivation? belief? discipline?

i often think of rmns 7.
for the good that i want, i do not do, but i practice the very evil that i do not want. bt if i am doing the very thing i do not want i am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me. WE ARE AT WAR. wretched man that i am! who will set me free from the body of this death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our lord!

cowper, william:

Light Shining out of Darkness
God moves in a mysterious way,
His wonders to perform;
He plants His footsteps in the sea
And rides upon the storm
Deep in unfathomable mines
Of never-failing skill
He treasures up His bright designs,
And works His sovereign will.
Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take;
The clouds ye so much dread
Are big with mercy, and shall break
In blessings on your head.
Judge not the Lord by feeble sense
But trust Him for His grace;
Behind a frowning Providence
He hides a smiling face.

hell.

if you guys have an hour...listen to this guy speak. lemme know what you think. i listend to this guy awhile back and found it interesting. I would urge you to listen to the whole thing and not blow it off right away. if anyone listens to it....lemme know.

this guy saw a vision of hell.
i think what he has to say could change your life...if it's true or not.

cinematic.

crank it and cry.

The other night I had a dream
It unfolded to the silver screen
A tragic fire, some tears were shed
I woke to find our hero dead
And wonder, ”What if this was me?”

If my life was cinematic
With a soundtrack so dramatic
You’d be the hero and You would save me
And it would have the sweetest ending

I want to live in such a way
That when I’m gone my friends would say
That if my life was turned to film
I’d be standing on a mountain shouting victory in the end
But in my heart I know it’s only true
If I’m supporting actor and the Oscar goes to You

If my life was cinematic
With a soundtrack so dramatic
You’d be the hero and You would save me
And it would have the sweetest ending

I don’t want to let You down
I want to make you proud
If anyone is watching me
I want to make it count for something

What if it ended here?
What if the credits rolled now?
What would the critics say?
Would it be the biggest let down?

If my life was cinematic
With a soundtrack so dramatic
You’d be the hero and You would save me
And it would have the sweetest ending

I just want to make you Free

don't belong here.

another song.
music does not really go w/ video. someone put them together and now the music is avaiable. just listen to the words and reflect on the lyrics.

It was a beautiful let down
When I crashed and burned
When I found myself alone unknown and hurt
It was a beautiful letdown
The day I knew
That all the riches this world had to offer me
Would never do

In a world full of bitter pain and bitter doubt
I was trying so hard to fit in, fit in,
Until I found out
I dont belong here
I dont belong here
I will carry your cross and your song
But I dont belong

It was a beautiful letdown
When you found me here
Yeah for once in a blue moon I see everything clear
Ill be your beautiful letdown
Thats what Ive ever been
And even if it costs my soul
Ill sing for free
We still chasin our tails in the rising time
In our dark third planet
When no one fights and no ones one

See I dont belong here
I will carry your cross and your song
But I dont belong here
Im gonna set sight and set sail for the kingdom come
Kingdom come
Your kingdom come
Wont you let me down yeah
Let my foolish proud
Forever let me down

Easy living not much left for pain
Easy dieing hey theyre just abou the same
Wont you please take me off your list
Easy living please come on and let me down

We are a beautiful let down,
Painfully uncool,
The church of the dropouts
And loosers and sinners and failures and the fools
Oh what a beautiful let down
All resolved in the womb
And join us he wants you too

I dont belong here
I dont belong here
I dont belong here
Feels like I dont belong here
Let me down
Let me down
Feels like Im let down
Let me down.
Cuz I dont belong here
Please
Wont you let me down?
switchfoot_beautiful let down.

we don't belong here on this earth. that longing in our hearts? will not be filled on this earth. not by a guy, not by money, not by education, the right job, living overseas, not living overseas, having kids or not. whatever it is...we won't be fulfilled. dang...let's stop trying. much of our frustration emerges from our attempts to make a sense of this world in which we don't really belong.

still sleep.

um...i still need sleep.

been thinking much of death/life/etc.

we are all near death. near some great things.
what if you had 1 month to live. would you be scared? excited? sad?

life is not futile for those who know our creator.

-------------------
i cried tonight cuz someone posted a harsh response to one of my papers. deserved, yes. but...i still cried. i'm a huge wuss. my paper has been the most viewed. now i'm not so proud. some interesting discussions have emerged from my paper on positional authority and relational authority of God. hmm...maybe i make no sense.
--------------------
night.

sleep.

it's near 1am and i should be asleep. i am not however.
i am at home alone in this giant house.
tear.

i spent the later part of this evening replying to people in the forum section for my class at DTS. my most recent interaction has been about a recent lecture. I posted this question on the forum:

An interesting question was brought up in lecture four of unit 10. Within this lecture Prof. Krieder makes a point of how he uses a theological grid to basically intrepret experiences. So if someone claims God told them to jump off the roof an objection could be made because it doesn't seem to align with the developed thelogical grid. (not 100% certain God hadn't spoken these words but approaching this figure). The question was how to know if the theological grid is valid, right and true. (if I have misunderstood up to this point, please correct).

This is where my question springs. Prof. Krieder responds the grid is developed within community, and those who taught, etc. I agree. To a certain extent we are products of our environment. However, how do we know what community to emmerse ourselves in? Within any community disagreements will arise. How do we know these are problems which should cause us to look for a different community to emmerse ourselves in? How do we know if we should listen to those who warn us not to come to Dallas because of their dispensational ties? Which community do we listen to? I know by placing myself under certain teachers I will inevitably gleam much of their viewpoint on life. How do we know whose authority to place ourselves under?

It seems many in the church are afraid to commit to one local body because they have difficulties with authority. It's important to engaged, interacting, and learning within a community. But what community? How do you know who is true? Suppose one community upholds international missions/outreach as their top priority, while another focuses more upon the communities heart/healing/prayer.

Does anyone understand what I am asking...? Points of discernment have to be made...and where should the lines be drawn? I suppose this is something every individual needs to determine for themselves while upholding the command for unity within the body. A tricky balance.

I would love to hear anyones thoughts/words/wisdom.

Some interesting responses. Do you guys have enough info to respond? Would love to hear some of your thoughts as well.

requested_

a song requested by my good friend debbie.
another one by jars.
please note...the video doesn't really have much to do w/ the song. (from what i can tell). i think someone took the music and put it to a random movie. but...i suppose i could be wrong. lyrics and music are good. so...just listen to the music. it's the best quality music i could find for free on the web.


Speak- say the words that no one else will ever say
Love- love like the world we know is over in a day

I'm gonna show you a love in every language
I'm gonna speak with the words that need no form
I'm gonna give you what you never had before

You're beautiful and I am weakened by the force of your eyes
So shine bright to separate the truth from the lies
I'm gonna show you love

I'm gonna show you a love in every language
I'm gonna speak with the words that need no form
I'm gonna give you what you never had before

So tie me to a tree and let the smoke and ash collect
No, I won't regret to let love do what love will let
We can drown in mixed emotions or walk across an angry sea
This is the cost of being free

one of those nights.

one of those nights i feel slightly emotional.
i fell into the trap...i like this song.
it could place me on the verge of tears and i'm not sure why.
i hope it strikes a chord in your soul as well.
i don't so much listen to the lyrics of this song as the simple sound.

note: if you can only listen to one song, listen to the one directly below this post. it's far better.

back to basics.

In open fields of wild flowers,
she breathes the air and flies away
She thanks her Jesus for the daises and the roses
in no simple language
Someday she'll understand the meaning of it all
He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close a heartbeat or a song on her lips
Someday she'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He'll call her and she will come running
and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and she'll pray,

"I want to fall in love with You"

Sitting silent wearing Sunday best
The sermon echoes through the walls
A great salvation through it calls to the people
who stare into nowhere, and can't feel the chains on their souls

He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close a heartbeat or a song on our lips
Someday we'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He'll call us and we will come running
and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and we'll pray,

"I want to fall in love with You"

It seems too easy to call you "Savior",
Not close enough to call you "God"
So as I sit and think of words I can mention
to show my devotion

"I want to fall in love with You"

"my heart beats for You"

-jars of clay.

obesity_africa?

um...really?

nativity.

i went to see the nativity movie. i had my hesitations. i sat in the theater prior to the trailors and felt guilty about spending 7.50 on a movie depicting the birth of Christ. i felt as if i had fallen into the trap of the Christian culture. i had just spent some time in a Christian bookstore surrounded by veggie tales, self-help books, study guides promising you to aid in understanding scripture, picture albums w/ Bible verses, etc. i was overwhelmed w/ material items...and especially how American culture is consumed w/ "Jesus Trinkets." Blah.

I sat in the darkened theater as the music began to play and was swept into the story of how God made himself flesh and dwelt amongst us. wow. it was simply amazing. i urge every one to see this movie. may it propel you back into realizing the reason for this season. and awesome it was that God sent his son at that specific time, in that specific place, under those specific circumstances. all the prophecies lining up. the rough road that mary and joseph faced alone and then together. dang...the movie nearly aroused in me the desire to be married and have a man that sought to live a life in obedience to the Lord as Joseph did.

i hesitate urging you to watch the movie b/c sometimes too high of expectations leads to disappointment. so...don't let that happen. the movie just allowed me to picture the every day life of those alive when Jesus entered the world. they didn't sleep in nice, comfortable beds w/ heating blankets. they didn't have a mcdonalds to stop at on the side of the road. they didn't sit around and feel sorry for themselves. mary hadn't read all the books to help her understand the Torah. she didn't spend 10 hours a day in prayer.

what am i living for? is my life pleasing to the Lord? do i find joy in being his daughter? do we rejoice in being his chosen ones? are we overwhelmed that we live in the age where the messiah HAS come? oh...what joy we should have! what a hope in what is to come! i have messed up much in my life. i am a sinner in desparate need of a savior.

as i sat in the theater all my desires and hurts seemed so trite in light of reality. that God is real, and sent his son for our sake. for all of mankind. to redeem his people unto himself. who am i...to think i deserve anything more? humble me lord. humble us. may we view ourselves rightly before you. may we see you in your glory... may you increase, and we decrease.