life.

being a mom and staying at home...is not really the end i want in life.

i wasn't jealous of these girls having a real job, and being married. i don't want that life. this is the life my sister lives...and countless others in america. but, it's not for me. i know i would not be content.

i've lost the urgency that the world is perishing. but, i think my motives used to be wrong. i used to have compassion on people and see that they were dying. but, this type of thinking will leave you slightly depressed. (well...fairly depressed). as you realize a majority of the world is going to hell. and...being overseas...that dude that's living in the gutter w/o any legs...he's going to hell too. what a crappy life for him. i don't think compassion for people can be what drives you. i think the root must be in your desire to see God's name glorified throughout the ends of the earth. this will happen in the end in any event as every knee bows and tongue confesses jesus is lord... but, our passion for God and his renown should be what drives us. yes...we are to love others too. that's the second greatest commandment, right? but i think the first commandment must be secured.

i want a guy that i can follow. b/c i know he is following Christ and living his life in obedience to him first and foremost. definitely has to be interested in overseas stuff. the world is dying. i'm not looking for a comfy life here in america. please...may it never be. unless that's what God would call me to. but until i am certain that's what i am suppose to do...i will continue to make decisions that will direct me overseas. that's that.